Tuesday, May 31, 2011

HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH (1982)

Yep, this is the one without Michael Myers in it.

After Michael's "death" in Part 2, the filmmakers wanted to continue the Halloween series, but instead of making it about Michael, they wanted to have it based on the actual Halloween holiday itself.  That's not a bad idea (and I'd love to see a series like that nowadays), but they should have just called it something else instead of HALLOWEEN III.  That boned the entire thing.

So, in this first (and last) installment of the new Halloween holiday series, we get a creepy tale about a company, Silver Shamrock Novelties, who's masks are all the rage.  Every kid wants one, but could there be something sinister going on over at Silver Shamrock?  After a pair of mysterious deaths at a hospital (both concerning a Silver Shamrock mask), a doctor and a relative of one of the victims head off to the nearby Silver Shamrock factory to see what's going on.  What they find ain't cool.

As a stand alone film, HALLOWEEN III is an interesting movie and with a bigger budget it might have actually been more successful, but as it is, the obvious low budget undermines the creepiness of the story. During scenes that should have been ominous or scary, I was too distracted by the cheapness of the sets to be scared. Despite this, Dan O'Herlihy did an outstanding job as the owner of Silver Shamrock. My thoughts might have drifted in some scenes, but when he was on the screen he had my complete attention.

Zero nudity, very little blood, mild violence, good acting, jacket shoulder pads, catchy as fuck jingle that will drive you crazy, mild pacing, heavy INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS influence, insects, snakes, guy in a fireman hat overacting.  Worth a watch for the curious.

[Technically, if you want to be a movie nerd about it, Michael Myers is in the film twice.  Once we see him in a commercial on a television in the bar.  Next we see actor Dick Warlock as one of the "assassin androids"...he played Michael in HALLOWEEN II.]

Part 1 - Halloween (1978)
Part 2 - Halloween II (1981)
Part 4 - Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)
Part 5 - Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)
Part 6 - Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)
Part 7 - Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998)
Part 8 - Halloween: Resurrection (2002)
Remake 1 - Halloween (2007)
Remake sequel - Halloween II (2009)
Sequel to Original - Halloween (2018)
Direct Sequel 2 - Halloween Kills (2021)
Direct Sequel 3 - Halloween Ends (2022)

Monday, May 30, 2011

HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION (2002)

What the fuck did Michael Myers ever do to deserve this? 

The film opens with Laurie now living in an insane asylum. Naturally, Michael comes to visit and it's so horrible that I honestly thought that Laurie was going to wake up and it would just a shitty dream sequence, but no the nightmare was real and it just keeps getting worse.  I have zero idea how they got Jamie Lee Curtis to sign up for this shitfest. 

By this point I was busy fighting off the urge to smear my own feces the TV, but I persevered and soon I regretting not smearing shit on the TV, because we're introduced to some ultra-annoying college students who have been chosen to star in a reality program being filmed at the original Michael Myers house. Cameras have been set up all over the house and each douchebag has been fitted with their own personal Douche Cam clamped to their annoying heads. People walk around and talk and talk and Mike appears and starts killing people. Just when you think it can't get any shittier, some annoying teenagers at a party start watching all of the action live on the internet and one dork, who actually knows the main girl, starts sending her text messages telling her Michael's location!!! Give me a break!

Worst of all, the kills are shit and Michael once again looks like he's trying out for Slipknot. Everything about this movie is terrible beyond your wildest nightmares and Michael is blasphemed nonstop. The only sliver of nonshittiness was when the cute red-head got topless for about two seconds. That was awesome, but the entire remaining 89 minutes was rubbish. Fuck this movie.

Part 1 - Halloween (1978)
Part 2 - Halloween II (1981)
Part 3 - Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)
Part 4 - Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)
Part 5 - Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)
Part 6 - Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)
Part 7 - Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998)
Remake 1 - Halloween (2007)
Remake 2 - Halloween II (2009)
Sequel to Original - Halloween (2018)
Direct Sequel 2 - Halloween Kills (2021)
Direct Sequel 3 - Halloween Ends (2022)